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helovesme_helovesmenot_09
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Name: Morgan
Birthday: 1/17/1991
Gender: Female
Interests: I love softball, my friends, I like school sometimes, I love talking, making people laugh, laughing, just having fun!
Expertise: Softball? I think that's the only thing I'm good at he he.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/22/2006
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| I love Kerstien!! Morgan<3'sKerstien Morgan~N~Kerstien *Muah* | | |
| Hmmm....There's been a lot going on lately. I had a great relationship. Things were going great. For complicated reasons, we had to break up. It was heartbreaking, still is...but it's just how it had to be ya know? Anyway, there was another guy that I liked....I'd liked him all year on and off. I got my chance with him, right after the break up....I couldn't say no. I felt bad for finding someone else so quick..but I figured things would work out and be ok. Things were going good...I was happy. Lets just say that he didn't sum up to what I thought....it didn't work out....for..."complicated" reasons. It left me hurt and furious and feeling completely low. Not for long. A guy from a school nearby starts calling me. We'd talked before but not really a lot because I always had a boyfriend. Now, we talked all the time, and he told me he liked me. I did like him too....I was just a little unsure...but I was lonely, so I went for it. I was feeling great because I'd already gotten someone else and I didn't have to kick myself so much for the last relationship. Anyway, so we start talking....he was sweet at times...it was nice. We had scheduled to go to the early show on a Friday night. We're about to leave, but we have to wait for my parents to get home, because I was watching my brother....they're both working late, so I called him and apoligized but said I could go to the late show. He freaks out. He starts cussing at me and then hangs up on me. I was shocked.....there was nothing I could do about it. He called back and asked if we (me and my cousin, Julie) could go to the late show...I told him I didn't know if I wanted to anymore. We get in a huge fight. He was being a total baby about all of it. He just couldn't understand that I couldn't help my situation. After hanging up on him several times because of the rude things he said, he called back and said he was sorry for everything, and asked me to please go because he wanted to see me. I agreed, because I'm weak like that. So, we decide to get there early. When I get there, I walk into the movie, find him, and sit next to him. He says nothing. I ask why he's being so quiet and he tells me that he's about to leave. Of course, I'm like "uh why?"...his reply was "My sister's coming to get me"...and I say "Yeah, ok, but why?"....his phone rings and he says he'll be right back. He comes back, gets his drink, and says "See ya later", and leaves. Leaves me there...at the movies. We were there to watch Superman, but Julie and I really wanted to see Pirates of the Carribbean 2. So, the movie hadn't started yet so we switched movies and had a good time anyway. I still felt stupid and rejected more than you can even imagine. Nothing like that had ever happened to me. Through all of this, the last two guys messing with me I mean, I was with Julie the whole time. So, she helped me out....Since I was with her, I didn't cry much. Things have been different. I'm single...like totally single... for the first time in a couple of months. Feels weird. I wish guys wouldn't mess with me so much. I guess I'm easy to mess with, but what did I do? I'm thinking I'll be going into my sophomore year single...like I do every year. I always have summer relationships, or summer flings....maybe I'll have another single school year....but MAYBE not.......Maybe it'll be different. I'm just going to let things happen. I like someone, I miss someone, but it's someone I can't have....but I can dream right? Whatever happens happens. I hope whatever that is...is a good thing.
-Morgan ¢¾ | | |
| I don't know what's wrong with me. I was so so happy, happier than I'd been for a really REALLY long time for the days of Monday and Tuesday. I really thought...that I actually loved him. Maybe I do....but I don't know. He's the sweetest person I've ever met, he was so so so good to me, and he treated me perfectly. When we kissed, fireworks...really really went off....like....I could pretty much feel the sparkle in my own eyes. I was so happy. My friends....I told myself that I wouldn't let them get in the way of my being happy with him. I was doing really good. I was zoning them out...even when they were being total jerks. I just told myself that I didn't need them...because I had him. Now, all of the teasing and disrespect to my feelings has put me under a lot a lot of stress and depression. I flipped out on my mom and sister. I took everything out on them. I just totally blew up. I was completely histerical. I was screaming and crying....big scene. So, I was under a lot of stress that I wouldn't have been under if I hadn't started a relationship with him. I really really didn't want to have to end things so quickly...when he didn't do anything...ANYTHING...wrong..he was perfect. I did exactly what I had intended not to do...I hurt him....and got hurt along with it. He told me not to worry about it...but it's impossible not to. It's all I've been able to think about. At first I was really really relieved. I thought everything would be better and we'd be best friends again. Well, we're still best friends, but it hurts like crazy. Because I miss him. I don't want to. But I do. I miss him like crazy. And there are those times when we'd usually say something sweet to each other..but all we're able to say is..."oh cool"...and "sweetness"...or something else meaningless...knowing that we could be saying something else if I hadn't ended it. Something that could have us up with the clouds in happiness. I feel like I just ruined it. I don't know if I made a mistake by starting it...or ending it. I don't regret starting it at all..because it was the best. I loved every second with him. He was perfect.....a guy that other girls would be totally lucky to have. I knew how lucky I was...I knew what I was throwing away. I feel so incredibly terrible for what I did. Mainly because he couldn't do anything better....my choice of ending it wasn't based on him at all. It was about everything else. All the pressure. I've never felt so much before. I never thought that I'd throw something that meant so much to me away. It just hurts. I miss him...a lot. But, I don't think I could be with him again without everything else coming back down on me and having another breakdown. I really don't know what to do. It's taking everything I have to not tell him that I miss him and want him back. I don't know if I'm holding back for the good or not....if I keep holding back. I feel like it'll never be the same...there will always be those moments when we could've said something sweet...or could've shared something really pecial...I mean special. I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought I'd been confused before..but I hadn't even seen the beginning of it til it hits me head-on now. My hearts breaking and healing at the same time....but I'm afraid that the healing is eventually gonna stop...that's what it feels like anyway. I've never felt this way. I've never broken anyone's heart. I don't understand what I'm doing. I don't know if I've made a mistake..or if I'm making one now. I don't know if I let the wrong things get in the way or not. He really did nothing wrong. He did everything perfectly. I don't know if I'll ever be able to let this go. I don't know if I regret it... I'm scared....
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| Two quotes that really jumped at me.......I like them.
I can't stand him hurting me
I can't stand him using me
But unlike him, I just can't walk away
I can't forget what we had. It's not
that easy for me to let go of something
that was once the best thing in my life.
I guess you actually mattered to me..
BEING HAPPY
doesn`t mean that
everything is perfect
it just means youu`ve
decided to look beyond
the IMPERFECTIONS
Yeah, those are just two of hundreds that make me think. I hate and love quotes all together. I hate them for reminding me of what's over...but I love them....for reminding me of what I had.
Yeah, I'm gonna go and think a bit. Love ya'll a lot!
Morgan ¢¾ | | |
| Yeah...well...ok. I pretty much got screwed over, again I guess. Everything with "that one guy" is so messed up....it's just not gonna happen. I was so hurt, but now I guess I'm still in disbelief. I thought SO highly of him. I thought he was different, something special, not your typical jerky guy. He's a really good actor, or he at least had me fooled. I feel so stupid for believing anything he ever said. He was really selfish. He didn't think he did anything wrong...woo boy then I let him have it. I cried at first, then I was so overwelmed with anger, I was shaking. We argued for the longest time, because he couldn't just admit that he'd done something wrong, even though he knows exactly what he did and knew that I had every right to be angry with him. Just because we never had anything, doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell. It's like "stab, stab...ouch". That's about the only way I know how to explain it. I've felt it so many times now, I'm surprised I haven't been able to write a freakin book about it. I was actully ok the first day. I woke up with the "whatever" feeling. Like, crap that's his loss...don't stress. I ended up talking to him that day even though I had told myself not to. It hurts worse to hate him than to just let it go and forgive and act like I'm okay. So, I did just that--let it go, forgave the jerk. It's just my way to deal. My only way. I just gotta face it now...I got led on, and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't look at him the same. He's a different person to me now. I won't be going out of my way to just see him. I won't talk about him. Well, maybe not....I'm not gonna flirt with him. My feeling of butterflies is gone. Just like that. He screwed up. I feel differently and it's really not that bad anymore. Currently, there's no one I'm looking at. It's good I think. If there's no one you want, you don't feel lonely and life's a little bit better. I'll be getting over it-sometime. I'm not gonna hang over this. I can do better than that. He's showed me his true colors and I'm gonna go by what I know. Simple as that right? I'm hoping so. If I have to be bitter to get over it, and not fall for him again, than I guess that's what I'll do. I'm gonna try and do whatever it takes to just let go and move on to something else...something better...and it will be better. I'm venting....sorry ya'll lol. I'm good...not tonight...but I'm gonna be. To all of the friends that I have to talk to...I love you. Ok, I think I've made this long enough for one night.
-Morgan Danielle ¢¾ | | |
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